another reason to throw your laptop into the mississippi

there once was this old child who lived each day as if hitler himself was holding a loaded sawed off precisely 3.654323 inches from his temple. he raped and pillaged much like the left nipple of tom cruise. his name was aldrick and he claimed everything out of his mouth was no more than a lie. aldrick bought an island about two days swim from the sandy coast of east florida. mated with an alligator and converted to scientology. aldrick is rumored to be alive even to these days. but, really, who cares?
I'm Calvin and I'll be reporting real life events from the war and everything that resides in your subconscious. So check back when it's most inconvenient so that you're bitterly encouraged to enjoy the simple things in life. Like taking a shit after a good nights drink. Or ignoring your neighbors neighborly waves and hellos. And when it's all done and cold don't forget that even grandmas need a firm high five every now and again.