with one hand in the cement mixer

Sometime during the past summer some bmx bandits gathered themselves upon a sizzling slab of cement for an all-out-arm-wrestling-cock-off. 
A fire fighter emerged with a full can of lighter fluid and sprayed himself down.  It was fairly awkward in a ymca sort of way.
Bernard Jefferickson (BJ) didn't intend for anything of this sort to happen but sadly the controller wasn't in his hands.
People were getting real disgusting gorging their faces all full of bmx!
There were grease fires springing up everywhere sending grasshoppers out of hibernation and into flight.  What I mean to say is it seemed as if people were having a pleasant time.
And, of coarse, something had to be done about that.  So the cops rolled up guns cocked and aimed ordering everyone to hit the shittiest quarter full speed.  Well, not everyone.  And they were actually aiming bananas instead of 9 mils.  But apparantely it was threatening enough.
Some people couldn't deal with the debauchery that ensued so they occupied themselves with other constructive activities.
Marcilious found ants in his pants.
Gregarious and Mild pole jammed around town.
And to celebrate our successes of the day we all feasted like peasants.
It sure was grand.